Hello internet friends.
The direction of this blog post can go either two ways:
- Into a hopeless pit of despair
- Into a hopeless pit of despair
Oh, would you look at that. I think there’s something wrong with the above list. Either that or I am in a hopeless pit of despair. Despite my melancholic predicament, I will try my best to be optimistic and inject some of my dry humour here and there. But first things first, I must address the elephant in the room. I feel like I’m living the worst year of my entire existence. Year of the monkey my ass. I’m having a shit year. I’m having a terrible year. I’m having a year that makes me want to turn into a blanketed-burrito and hibernate for the rest of eternity.
In this year so far, I have probably cried more tears than when I accidentally killed my own pet bunny rabbit when I was 12 years old. Every fibre of my being is collapsing under the pressure and challenge of the adult world – aka responsibility and the 9 to 5 grind. Each day that passes by, my fragile bowl of confidence is getting chipped little by little. I’m an exhausted wreck.
On top of all my self-esteem issues, I’ve also found myself with a perforated eardrum which means I can’t enjoy Europop or the soothing tones of Shawn Mendes as much as I would like. Everything in my life has now become a muffled mess.
I am a firm believer that one cannot fully appreciate happiness without having felt a little sadness in their life. There have been times throughout this year when I’ve been really close to just having a complete mental breakdown and giving up. There have been times when I just wanted it all to end – and yes, my thoughts have turned to incredulously gloomy and dark places. Death, being one of them.
But you know what? I’m still alive. It hurts, but I’m still alive. What’s life without a good fight? We can either take the easy and super unfulfilling way out (death) or we can toughen the fudge up and come out the other end battered and bruised, but being able to witness the magical sunrises and sunsets. Besides, I still have to go back to Norway before I give up all hope of a happier life.
Anyway, this weekend I went with Mattias up to the Blue Mountains for the Mt. Wilson Autumn Festival. We visited some nice gardens and Mattias got all snap happy with his fancy shmancy camera. Even though I was in a super shitty mood, I managed to crack a smile here and there. I guess it’s the little things that count in the big picture.
Here are some photos.
Mattias and I looking all lovey dovey.
A wild Mattias appears!
Clearly disgusted by such a beautiful rose.
Mattias looking quizzical at a strange contraption.
Du känner mig rik.
I also wanted to say thanks to everyone who has taken the time to write to me and try to make me feel better about myself. I really sincerely appreciate it. I think the best thing that has come from me uploading videos and putting myself out there is being able to connect with others… I like being able to see a familiar name pop up in my comments or on my social media pages.
I think a lot of people are so caught up trying to put up the “perfect” image of themselves that they forget that it’s OK not to be perfect. We’re human. We feel things that sometimes aren’t ideal.
Anyway, it’s time for me to live another day.