Breakups aren’t easy. I’ve experienced 4 breakups in my 25 years of life. Two of which were really shitty and dramatic since they were both long-term relationships.
If you’ve watched my ‘How to Survive a Breakup’ video on YouTube, you’d know that I’m now dealing with my latest breakup in the only way that I know how – with a heavy dosage of sarcasm, self-deprecating humour and a pinch of salt.
Of course, underneath the façade, I’m dealing with deep wounds that I don’t think will ever completely heal. But hey, I guess pain is just a reminder that you’re alive.
Following on from the video, I’ve put together this comprehensive list of resources that helped me get through my breakup. Hopefully they’ll help you if you’re going through something similar.
Movies For Heartbreak
The Little Prince
“It is the time that you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.”
It’s hard not to be cynical about love when you’ve had your heart ripped out and stomped on. After you’ve been burnt, it’s difficult to open up your heart again and trust people.
The Little Prince is one of the movies that I watched during my heartbreak. For a moment it made me less bitter. I had given my everything for the past five years and though it all ended in vain, I accept that at the time, it was the most important thing to me. And that’s okay. I don’t have to deny how I felt. But life goes on.
How To Be Single
“The time we have to be single, is really the time we have to get good at being alone. But, how good at being alone do we really want to be?”
I’ve always struggled with the chronic feeling of loneliness. I could be in the most loving relationship and still feel lonely. I don’t know why I’m so unfortunate to have this lingering loneliness over my head but it’s something that I need to learn to accept.
I crave intense intimate human connection. Being single seems like an absolute nightmare to me because I begin to feel forgotten and invisible. How To Be Single forced me to see different perspectives about relationships – not just with a significant other but with oneself. Also, it’s a humorous movie which is a nice break from all the despair.
Into The Wild
“Happiness is only real when shared”
Into The Wild was an interesting film for me as I could relate with the idea of breaking free from society and living off the grid. The peculiar thing is, I hate feeling lonely but I also enjoy being in solitude.
There were so many takeaways from this movie about life and relationships. I loved that at the beginning of the film, the protagonist made the statement that “You don’t need human relationships to be happy, God has placed it all around us”, and that at the end when he was dying, he realised that “happiness is only real when shared.”
Those are two extremes that I struggle to understand in my own life.
Heartbreak Music Playlists
You know when you’re sad and you listen to sad music just so you can wallow in your own sadness and feel sorry for yourself? Yep. I did that. It just exacerbated my pain and suffering. But it’s nice to know that your emotions aren’t isolated and that other people have gone through the same thing.
Here is my heartbreak playlist, fittingly titled ‘Mitt hjärta blöder’.
Lots and lots of sad songs, but also some hopeful songs… some of which are also included in my other playlist. Again, a playlist fittingly titled ‘Fuck It, You Got It!’
Eyes Shut – Years & Years
“I want to be bigger than life”
For me, this song represents strength through adversity. It’s about chasing your dreams and rediscovering who you are as a person, regardless of the people that come in and out of your life. It’s about not being afraid to feel pain and be hurt. That you are bigger than life and everything it throws at you.
The Cure – Lady Gaga
“If I can’t find the cure, I’ll fix you with my love”
I’ve always believed that there are two versions of myself. There’s the Leonie that’s vulnerable and full of self-hate. Then there’s the Leonie that’s compassionate and strong. When I listen to this song, it’s like the strong Leonie singing to the vulnerable Leonie. Basically, this song to me is about self-love, and if there’s no cure for my depression, anxiety and BPD, then I just have to fix myself with self-love.
Books For The Broken-Hearted
I already wrote up a list of the books that got me through my heartbreak which you can check out here.
Activities To Do When You’re Heartbroken
It’s important to not just mope around being a passive vegetable in bed when your heart is broken. Self-expression is important and helps to relieve all that negativity that’s going on in your body. It’s definitely hard to find the energy to actually do things, but you feel a lot better afterwards for doing something other than cry.
You can either wallow in your grief, or do something to take your mind off the pain. I found that playing piano was incredibly therapeutic as it focused my attention on something other than the hurt I was feeling inside my heart.
It’s hard when you lose the one person who you can express yourself to. I found that writing helped me express all the painful emotions I felt. Though it’s not quite the same as talking to that one person who knew me best, at least it gave me an outlet. When I was feeling a little creative, I’d turn my suffering into shitty poems.
Strangely enough, Tinder helped me get out of that tunnel-vision of believing I had lost ‘the one’. I realised that there are other humans in this world that I had yet to meet. It also made me realise that I am my own person, despite having been attached to another for so long. Going on dates and talking about who I am and what I’m passionate about helped affirm that I’m not a hopeless human being.
Mindfulness is seriously the hardest thing to do. I’ve been trying to practice mindfulness since I began Dialectal Behaviour Therapy. It’s supposed to help you focus on the present moment without judgement. It’s all about self-awareness and acknowledging the sensations that come in and out of your mind, body and soul.
Well, that’s it. All the things that got me through my breakup. I guess there’s no speedy way to fix a broken heart – it does take time. Some people are better at getting over heartbreak than others. And for those that deal with mental illnesses such as Borderline Personality Disorder (yay, lucky me), it can be absolutely catastrophic.
My only advice is that despite the pain, suffering and hardcore tunnel-vision, you just have to grasp onto anything that will help pull yourself out of the hellhole. And it’s totally okay to be in despair. It just goes to show that you have a heart and sadly, it was broken.
Here’s to all the broken-hearted.