I think now is a perfect opportunity for me to write about my Norway trip. It’s been more than a month and ever since I haven’t been able to find it in me to sit down and try to capture the experience and beauty of Norway. My words fail me and I don’t think I can ever do it justice.
But I’m back in Switzerland now and this week has just been horrendously difficult for me.
My anxiety has heightened within the few days and I’ve been so much inside my own head and pretty much just being a miserable and moody piece of shit. The worst of it is trying to find the energy in me to put on a façade and bury the constant thoughts of my insignificance in this world and it’s hard because it’s the first week back at university and it’s a new semester which means I have to actively participate in socializing and make new friends. And I hate it. It drains my energy, it makes me question myself and I end up wanting to curl into a ball and cry.
So I decided I’ll just stay indoors, go through my Norway photos and just write. Norway is my happy place. I wish I could just teleport to Lofoten Islands right now and just lay under the stars and not have to worry about things like the immense pressure which I feel in having to be someone I just can’t be.
I loved being in Norway because for once in my life I found myself having a little bit of faith and a little bit of hope that perhaps there is a God out there and that there is much more to my existence than just simply being. Being in the middle of the mountains that are so much larger than life, I just couldn’t help but believe.
One of my biggest fears (aside from being social) is death and not knowing if there’s a life after it or if I’ll just be sucked into a state of oblivion. The thought of having my loved ones die before me literally scares me stiff because I’m a lonely person by nature and having nobody who I can trust and love whole-heartedly to talk to in life is the worst thing imaginable to me. I always try to avoid conversations about God because I’m so afraid that I’ll be disappointed in the answers, but I know one day I wont be able to avoid it and I know that Mattias is helping me get there. I think that’s one of the reasons why I love him so much- he’s so firm in his beliefs and I really hope that one day, with his help, I’ll believe too. And not only when I’m in the middle of Norway.
One of my last Norwegian souvenirs was a book called “The Norway Way” and inside there was a quote that resonated with me.
the norwegian mountains make me feel all alone, without feeling lonely
I feel like that quote alone captures Norway perfectly.
I honestly loved every part of my Norwegian trip. I loved Oslo because it was just like a little big city. I loved the mix of the old and the new and the feeling that I was in a city that was built in the middle of the forest and the fjord.
I mean, do you SEE how happy I was? I was literally hugging the ground.
We went up north to Kirkenes and took a Hurtrigruten cruise down to Trondheim. There were days when I was stuck on the cruise and I would be intensely moody, but just being able to look out the window and see the vastness of the sea and pretty much being in the middle of nowhere was really therapeutic. It was nice for once, to have nothing to do and just sit and listen to music. The theme song for my Norwegian cruise was definitely ‘O’ – Coldplay. The perfect song for Norway.
But truly. the most memorable experience I had of Norway was the road trip we took from Trondheim – Geiranger – Trollstiegen. We went with Mattias’ cousins who were so nice to rent a car and take us on the amazing journey. It was my first time camping and it just so happened to be right at the bottom of Geiranger fjord.
I honestly don’t believe I could have had a better experience of Norway. It surpassed all my expectations and lived up to the years of hype that I had been building up. It made me believe that there was more to life than meets the eye.
I’m so incredibly thankful to Mattias for going on the journey with me and making all my dreams come true. I’m so thankful that he has Norwegian cousins that took it in their stride to arrange a road trip just so that we could experience Norway the way it should be experienced. There was never a dull moment because every moment we were surrounded by nature. I’ve seen so many waterfalls and rivers and little white beaches and mountains after mountains- all untouched. I knew Norway was beautiful, but I didn’t expect it to be out of this world.
Well! My anxiety has gone away a little through writing this blog entry. Every day is a challenge but I’m so lucky that I could live out my dream and that I had such supportive and friendly people around me during it.
If you want to see more of my Norwegian adventure, you can check out my YouTube channel! I have 4 vlogs of the trip and you can view the first one below 🙂
Until next time,